Non-Violent Communication to Navigate Potential Conflict

Non-Violent Communication

We’ve all been in situations where we give someone feedback or say something just a little too quickly, and it sparks a defensive reaction. As disheartening as these situations can be, they happen all the time – and sometimes, far too easily!

Luckily, Marshall Rosenberg developed the Non-Violent Communication Framework (NVC) for just this situation.

Here’s how it works: 🔬 An observation 😮 A feeling 🙏 A need 🙋 A request

🤗 Feel, don’t judge

A lot of our communication is judgmental and as Rosenberg calls it “violent”. For example, imagine our teammate is ignoring our messages. We might judge them as uncaring but another truth might be that we feel lonely. Often our communication is more of a reflection of our own feelings than an evaluation of someone else’s actions.

Non-Violent Communication helps us express those feelings and needs while removing judgment from the equation. Let’s see it in practice!

💡 Scenario 1

You’ve just joined a remote team, and you’re struggling to make meaningful connections because people aren’t responding to your messages.

Using NVC "I’ve noticed it’s been quite hard to get 1:1 time with people so far (observation), this makes me feel a little lost and unsure of how I fit into the team (feeling); I need to get to know you all better so I can contribute effectively and build trust (need). Can we discuss this? (request)"

💡 Scenario 2

A member of your Sales team tends to over-promise to clients, sharing solutions that aren’t built yet and timelines that are too tight.

Using NVC "I’ve noticed that you tell clients about solutions we haven’t finished yet (observation). This makes me anxious (feeling) because it’s important for us to maintain the trust of our clients (need). Could you align with the engineering team in a weekly meeting, so we can share more accurate timelines? (request)"

💡 Scenario 3

You’re collaborating on a team-building initiative with a team member. You did most of the work, but they’re taking the credit on the communications and just putting you in CC.

Using NVC "I’ve noticed that when you send out emails about our project, you’re signing your name on emails, but not mine (observation). This makes me upset (feeling) because I’ve contributed to the project and I’d like equal recognition for it (need). Could you please include both our names on the emails? (request)"

🎨 Express yourself

Judgments are just unacknowledged feelings and unmet needs. By reframing them, we can de-escalate conflicts or avoid them happening in the first place.

You can use Non-Violent Communication in any aspect of life, whether at work or at home. Your team, family, friends, and network will thank you for it.